Now for the hard parts...

So we're getting closer and closer to finishing up the paperwork needed in order to schedule our home study with the social worker. We have to write autobiographies about ourselves, and do a psych eval (with an MMPI) before we can schedule the home study. I started my autobiography, and am about halfway finished with it. I think it's going to be 20 pages by the time I'm done with it!! Dave hasn't started his yet, so maybe we can light a fire under his patooty with this blog :)

It's been an interesting experience writing my autobiography. There is a three page list of questions that we have to answer in our autobiography, and they are thorough questions. I've had to write about some tough times I've experienced in my life, and it hasn't been easy to relive these experiences in writing. However, there have also been some fun things to write about like what is my happiest moment in life? What is my proudest achivement? It's fun to try to think of the absolute happiest or proudest time in my life, because I've had a darn good life.

I had my psych eval tonight, Dave will have his next Wednesday, the 23rd. I was very nervous about my appointment before going in. I wondered what types of things she would ask me about, and what tough situations in my life she would make me talk about. She put me at ease right away, and I found it very easy to talk with her. I did have to talk about one pretty difficult situation I dealt with in my life, but found that she understood what I was talking about - I didn't have to feel ashamed for my views or my feelings. She asked some tough questions about my parenting views, and what it is that makes me a Christian. She asked what it meant to me to be a follower in Christ. It was interesting to chew on that question even after I talked with her about my beliefs. I told her that I'm continually learning what this means, and she told me that that is a great place to be. When we have kids it will teach them that it's okay not to have all of the answers, and to keep learning about something so that you believe it for yourself - not for what someone else tells you.

I had a pretty tough week this week with Mother's Day, the autobiography, the psych eval. I've been struggling with lots of "it's not fair..." thoughts. With losing Marley, and having to wait for our babies, I've been struggling with lots of jealousy and anger at life in general. I was talking with God while on a run the other day, and had the feeling that He was telling me that I need to start drawing on Him. I need to start finding my satisfaction in Him instead of a baby. So I'm working on that.