Merry Christmas

Christmas has come and gone once again, and I have to say that this year was a very good Christmas. Some years I get so caught up in the stress of traveling/trying to see everyone/buying gifts/etc, that I forget to stop and enjoy Christmas and reflect on what it's really all about. This year I tried to take it all in stride, and soak up as much of the good stuff as I could.

Gus had lots of fun this Christmas too. Below is a picture of his Christmas haircut (if you look closely, you will see that not all of his black hair was cut off - hee hee), and a video of him opening Dave's Christmas present. I got such a kick out of it that I didn't stop him, and Dave was happy to get his present a day early :)

We hope you all had a Merry Christmas and have a blessed New Year!!

They always come in 3s...

...I just didn't think it would be 3 days in a row of hearing that people I know and loved have died. Ugh. On my way home from my Uncle Ted's funeral last night, my good friend Emma called. Emma works at Sunrise Assisted Living, where I worked for 6 years (2 of those years were in Minnetonka, where Emma still works). Emma always kept me up to date about one of my favorite residents - Pat. Emma let me know last night that they weren't expecting Pat to live very much longer. I found out today that Emma got a call from Sunrise 4 minutes after she got off of the phone with me that he had passed away.

Pat was a great guy. He was by far one of my favorite people all of the Sunrises that I worked at. He lived in the dementia neighborhood, but I always felt like we clicked right away. The day he moved in, he was not wanting to take his medication. I was getting ready to walk out of the door at the end of my workday, when my co-worker came up to ask me if I could give them a hand in trying to get him to take his meds. I came up to his room where he was acting out and agitated and sat down next to him. He looked over at me and smiled really big - I'm pretty sure he liked my red coat. He calmed down and took his meds for me, and went along his merry way.

Pat always had a hard time being understood when he was trying to express himself. The words he would say would come out strangely, but he would still smile at us like we understood what he was saying. He was one of the few people there with dementia who still knew how to read. One day, he came up to me and my friend Nicole and was reading our name badges. He looked at mine and said, "Rat-chel", and then looked at hers and said, "Nicoloy". So ever since that day some of my friends have called my Ratchel. A few months later I was walking down the hall when I came upon Pat with his shoe untied. I bent down to tie his shoe and he asked me who I was. I told him my name was Rachel, and he said, "Ah, Rainsaw". So that was my other nickname there.

When I was having a bad day, I would often times go up to Pat's room to see his smile. Anyone who knew Pat knew that he smiled with his WHOLE face. He had the biggest grin that would always put me in a better mood. He would talk to me, and while most of his words didn't make sense, every once in a while I'd catch a statement that would make me laugh because it made sense in a roundabout kind of way.

There are so many stories that I have about Pat. But they don't do any justice in written words, they are stories you have to hear to appreciate. I know that I will remember these stories for a long, long time. I hope that when I grow old I can make people smile the way that Pat did.

No more of these phone calls for a while, okay God??

More sad news

This morning around 1 am, my dad's uncle, Duane passed away. He'd been battling cancer and in the past few days was in a coma. Please be in prayer for his wife, Helen, and their family. One interesting story that came out of this was that shortly before he died, Duane came out of the coma with a big smile on his face. He looked around and asked for his brothers Elmer, Mervin and Glen (my grandpa). Elmer and Mervin have passed away, so his son said, "No Dad, you are still here with us". Duane said, "Oh". Then he went back to sleep and died shortly thereafter. How great that we know he is greeting heaven with a smile knowing that he'll be reunited with his brothers who have gone on before him!! My grandpa wasn't sure why he asked for him. He just said, "He must have forgotten that I haven't died yet!"

So now both of my parents have lost uncles in the past 4 days. I have been very blessed to have not had very much loss or death in my life. My grandpa Don died 12 years ago, but otherwise the rest of my grandparents are living. It starts to hit home when people who are younger than my grandparents are passing away. I'll admit it scares me to think of having to deal with their loss someday, but the bright side to that is that I know where my grandparents are spending eternity.

I have 2 other great uncles (one on my mom's side, and one on my dad's side) who are not doing well health-wise. Please be in prayer for all of these families.

Uncle Ted

Tonight I received the sad news that my great Uncle Ted passed away - he was married to my grandma Alice's sister, Hope. I am one of the fortunate few who has had a close relationship with some of my great aunts and great uncles. Up until I went off to college, I thought it was completely normal to see all of your great aunts and uncles when you went to visit your grandma and grandpa in Iowa. I've always enjoyed spending time with all of these great people, and my great Uncle Ted was no exception.

Uncle Ted always had a smile on his face, and was a kind, gentle man. He was always interested in what we were up to, and Dave and I had great opportunities to get to know Uncle Ted in the last few years. My favorite memory of Ted is from this past June. My cousin, Matt, got married, and Hope and Ted came to the wedding. Ted smiled the entire weekend, and even got out on the dance floor with my sisters and me!! We had a great time dancing it up and teasing Ted about how his shiny head was going to get all the ladies to dance with him on the dance floor. I am so grateful that I have these memories of my Uncle Ted.

Dave's favorite memory of Uncle Ted is from Christmas 2004. We had brought my grandma Alice up to spend Christmas with us and Dave's family. When we brought her back down to Iowa, we met my aunt Mary Lee at my great Aunt Helen's house (another of Grandma Alice's sisters). We ate lunch there, along with Hope and Ted. That was the first time Dave got to really sit down and get to know Ted, Howard (Helen's husband), and Mel (Mary Lee's husband). Through getting to know each other, Ted and Dave found out that they both only had one kidney. It was their bond :)

Below is the picture from that Christmas of the men:

Dave, Howard (standing), Ted, and Mel

The ladies: Great Aunt Hope (Ted's wife), Great Aunt Helen (Howard's wife), Grandma Alice, and Aunt Mary Lee (Mel's wife)

Please keep my Great Aunt Hope in your prayers, along with the rest of their family.

Christmas pageants, sledding and good times

Our weekend was fun. We had a good mix of being busy with friends, finishing shopping, attending Christmasey things and relaxing. Friday night we babysat our former pastor's kids. They are 4 of the funniest and nicest kids I have ever met, and we always have a good time with them. We brought them over to our house, and they helped us finish decorating our house for Christmas and played with Gus. A good time was had by all. They give us lots of good advice on how to discipline our kids, and actually have some good ideas (usually on things they've experienced or been punished for in the past).
My favorite quote of the night was something I heard in passing. Do you know those Staples commercials where someone pushes an "Easy" button, and whatever they are doing is made simple? Well, one of the kids said, "Let's just get one of those Easy buttons that you can put in any room of your house!" And they were serious.

On Saturday we got to go sledding with some friends from my old work. We had a great time, and I have the bruises to prove it! I don't know why, but I bruise very easily, and usually don't know where I got my bruises from. We had fun playing games after it got dark and eating way too many sweets.

Sunday morning was the children's Christmas service at our church. I got SUCH a kick out of the kids up on the stage. There was the obligatory little girls lifting their dresses or shirts over their heads, one little girl laying down on the stage and rolling around, other kids trying to walk into the center of the production to steal the show, etc... But my favorite moment came when the girl who had the wireless mic on was backstage, and suddenly whispered loudly to her friends, "I have GOT to get these boots off, they're..." and she trailed off as she or the sound guys realized that she was being broadcast over the speakers.

Our good friends, Aaron and Nikki were sitting by us and leaned over to say, "We can't wait until next year or the year after when your kids are up there too!! That made me excited to think about :) My favorite part is that our kids have the potential to be the same age as their Sam, so they could be the best of friends!! I can just picture Sam and our kids holding hands up on the stage being as cute as can be. I know that day will come faster than I can imagine.

We also got to meet another couple while we were at Aaron's school concert (he's the band/choir teacher) last night who adopted 4 times from Korea. Nikki wanted to introduce us, and all of a sudden said, "Wait, is this one of those 'what not to say' things... To want you to meet other people who have adopted?" No way, we LOVE meeting other people who have adopted to hear their stories and wisdom. Introduce us to these people ANYtime!! We had so much fun listening to their stories and advice. We are excited to integrate the Philippine culture into our lives, and celebrate our children's "homecoming" (or some people call it "gotcha day") anniversaries!

Sorry I have no pictures to post today. Dave thinks I have an unnatural addiction to posting pictures on our blog.

Petition

So a gal at work and I decided today that we are going to start a petition to send to Mother Nature. We've decided that maybe if we get enough signatures, we can get spring here by January. What do you think?? Who's in?

Okay, so maybe that won't work. But I'm already tired of cold weather, static-y hair, electric shocks when I enter or exit any room, vehicle or chair. I have to agree with Maddie, our 4-year old niece, when she told my sister this morning that she's "tired of having to put this jacket on every time I go outside". I second that, Maddie!! I wish I could just do what Grace (her little sister) does when she has to go outside - throw a temper tantrum until some grown up picks me up and keeps me warm. If anyone has an inkling to send us on a warm weather destination vacation this winter, we wouldn't say no to that kind of generosity :)

So how is Christmas shopping going for everyone? We are nearly done, and hoping to finish up a little more over our lunch break today. After last week's Christmas drama at church, I'm finding myself focusing on what Christmas is really about. The simplicity of the Jesus' birth is something that blows my mind, when you imagine the different ways He could have been introduced to the world. I wish you all could have seen the play last weekend. It did a great job of portraying this.

Darn Christmas cookies, though. I am feeling gross today because people at work have too many goodies that jump out at me whenever I turn a corner. So tonight I HAVE to work out after we get home - no ifs, ands or buts about it!! Someone lock me in a glass case with no goodies for a while, okay?

What not to say...

Okay, I want to address some of the remarks we have gotten regarding infertility, adoption, etc... I will preface this by saying that MOST of the people who we surround ourselves with always say the right things, and ALL of them are super supportive of our struggles with infertility and adoption.

I made the mistake a couple months ago of volunteering the information of our adoption to a person I hadn't seen in years. He was a young guy - in his early 20's - who was single, and a pretty nice guy from what I knew of him. He asked what was new in my life, and I said, "We're adopting from the Philippines!!" He looked at me with a look of disdain and said, "Why would you do that?" I was completely speechless for a minute, then I glared at him and shook my head without saying anything. I just had no response. Why would I do what? Provide a loving a warm home for children who I will love dearly?? What a psycho. So that's #1 - don't EVER say that to someone who is adopting. Adoption is a beautiful thing.

Secondly, as a woman who struggled with infertility and is now adopting, that does not mean that I am choosing adoption because I don't want to get pregnant, or I don't think I could get pregnant someday. I had a couple of people say to me, "Hey! You'll get your kids without the awfulness of pregnancy and childbirth". Um... what? I have no response every time I hear this from someone (kind of a pattern with my responses). I would wish for nothing more than to be able to be with my children from the moment they are conceived. I wish no child had to go through the awfulness that most have to go through before they are home with their forever family - the orphanages, abandonment issues, and the list goes on. Adoption is NOT easier than pregnancy/childbirth, so I'm not getting the "easy way out" by adopting.

Third, when a person tells you they are adopting, do NOT EVER say, "Oh, so you can't have your own?" THESE children are my own children, whether I give birth to them or not. And for us, adoption isn't a second choice. We always knew we wanted to adopt, we just didn't know it was going to come first for us. If we do get pregnant someday, that will be great!

I also got a comment about 2 weeks ago that I've gained weight since high school (I am wondering who on this planet didn't gain weight 10 years after high school?). As I was poking around on other infertility/adoption blogs, I saw that many other women struggling with the stress of infertility saw their bodies take a hit. I am no exception. From the time we started trying to have children, I have gained 25 pounds, and am up 4 sizes. I had the mindset that I was going to pregnant any day, so why not let myself eat whatever I wanted and pretend I was eating for 2?

I made a decision in April that I was going to get in shape - no matter WHAT it took. I began running on a regular basis, and *attempting* to watch what I eat. I joined a gym a couple of months ago to lift along with my cardio workout, and am finding working out to be slightly addictive. I feel better, and am generally a happier person when I can workout. My family joined in on this endeavor 11 weeks ago, and we have a Biggest Loser-Carlblom Style competition going on. We all have our goal weights, and an incentive to be the one to lose the most weight each week ($2!!). At the end there is a prize of even more money for whoever loses the highest percentage of weight. I haven't seen a huge change in my body since I started this working out thing, but I'm not giving up! The little changes that I do see are motivation to keep on!! Since I don't get to give birth to my babies (for now), I am going to be one fit momma by the time I get my children.

Simply Christmas

Sorry, Anonymous (aka N.T.P.) for not posting about yesterday's play sooner!!

So yesterday was our church play that Dave and I were a part of. Let me tell you - Dave did a PHENOMENAL job!!! He did not miss any cues or lines, and hit everything dead on. He and Aaron did an awesome job portraying "working class/blue-collar" angels. They were the comic relief in a beautifully choreographed service focused on the basics of Christmas - Jesus' birth. Our good friend, Nikki, was the mastermind behind the service, so a huge WOOT WOOT to Nik. She brought the music, arts, drama together so beautifully. My (tiny) part went well too, even though my Mary veil fell sideways during the second service - I just continued on with my serene smiling at baby Jesus :)

This weekend we also got to make Christmas cookies with my parents. They came up on Saturday for a sleepover, then came to the play at our church. We made all kinds of Christmas cookies Saturday, so for the next few weeks if you are at our house you will be required to partake in the snacking of said cookies!

After the play yesterday, we went out for lunch with Dave's family, my family and Nikki, Aaron, Sam and Nikki's mom, Dianne. We had so much fun laughing and feeling the relief of being done with the stress of the play! After lunch, we headed out to a birthday party for our nephew, Eric. He turned the big 3 today - happy birthday, Eric!!

I also had fun basking in the congratulations of our "pregnancy" yesterday. Nik told me that our good friend, Jane (who was the painter of the beautiful star in the play yesterday) said to her, "Someone go tell Rachel she shouldn't be lifting - she's expecting!" Then she remembered that we are expecting, but I'm not physically pregnant - I'm pregnant in my heart :) I've had lots of comments from my girlfriends that I should start taking advantage of the "pregnancy" and make Dave lift things for me, eat pickles, drink root beer and nap as much as possible. I think those are all great ideas!! I just may have to take them all up on it.

Here are pictures from this weekend's festivities:

Alvin the Angel and Mary, the mother of Jesus

Harold and Alvin (aka Aaron and Dave) as blue-collar angels on their cloud (they are snow-throwing angels)

Joseph and Mary (aka Aaron K. and Rachel)

New Poll!

Hi all, I have created a new poll to see what you all think about when we will get our referral. I added it to the top of the page this time, as you can see. To see the results from the last poll (yay to you all who voted for "by Christmas"!!), scroll to the bottom of the page.

Dave slaved away on the closet this weekend, and as a result we have a beautiful closet in our child/ren's room! We've already started filling the shelves with the gifts we've received along the way for our child/ren, which is sooooo much fun! I'll take some pics to post soon, then you can check out Dave's handiwork yourselves.

This weekend Dave is in a Christmas play at our church. He is a "blue-collar" angel, along with our good friend, Aaron. It is a comedy-drama about what the angels' idea of Jesus's arrival on earth was. I'm very excited to see him in action. I've been helping him learn the lines, and the only thing he needs to work on is not saying, "darn it" (or some such word) under his breath when he forgets a line - we don't want that to be picked up by the wireless mic!! I also have a small part in the play as Mary. It should be a good time :)

Officially waiting!!! (aka Pregnant on Paper)

Woo hoo!!!!!! We received the awesome news yesterday morning that we are ICAB approved!! This means that now the Philippines has put us on a list of Prospective Adoptive Parents (PAPs), and they are ACTIVELY searching for a child or children to match with us. YAY!!!!!

Karin (from Hand in Hand) called yesterday right after I got to work. As soon as I saw her phone number come up on my phone I got excited. She told me that she had good news for us, that we were approved!! I started crying and thanking her over and over. She just laughed and squealed in delight with me. She's so awesome :) She told me that she had called the Philippines director of the agency (Vickie) the day before to tell her that she was feeling very impatient for us, and just wanted to know if there was ANY news at all. Vickie told her it was funny that she had called because she just received the approval THAT DAY! She received ours, as well as another couple's approval who had been waiting since JULY. Yowsahs! I cried happy tears off and on all day yesterday :) I e-mailed Karin later to let her know that it's like she's the doctor who gave us the news we've been waiting on for 4 years - we're pregnant (on paper)!!!!!

She also let us know that we have been approved since SEPTEMBER 30!! Holy cow! We've already been officially waiting for 2 months and didn't even know it! That's awesome!! Our approval came in just under 6 weeks from when we sent our dossier in to the Philippines. We were approved on Dave's mom's birthday, so Happy Belated Birthday to you, Jeanne!

Dave's reaction to the news was pretty funny. He turned a little white, and started pacing a little bit. Once I got off of the phone with Karin he gave me a big hug and then we decided to go celebrate with some breakfast. On our way there he asked if we could go to Home Depot - he wanted to start buying closet supplies to make a better closet in our baby room. Once we got there, Dave was very serious about what we needed to get - while I was still floating and smiling on cloud nine!! Dave cracked me up. He's very serious about getting our house just perfect before our child/ren come home, and is pretty nervous. He keeps me from flying off the face of the earth in my excitement :)

So what is the next step?? Well, next we just wait. "Again??" You may be asking. Well, this is the OFFICIAL wait this time. Every PAP that has been placed on this list in the Philippines has been matched with a child - EVERY ONE. So we know that we will be matched now that we are approved, it's just a matter of when. We expect that the match will come in anytime between 9-18 months from now. At that time we'll know how many we're adopting, as well as what ages, genders, etc. they will be. After that, we will have to wait about 3 more months until we can travel.

Now I am in the process of making a list. I may have to enlist the help of my professional (and wise) list-making friends to help me with this. I'm so excited to start preparing for everything we need, and still feeling giddy from yesterday!! I know that we have another long wait ahead of us, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's a beautiful light (Dave told me that I have my rosy glasses on now that we've been approved :)! Thank you for all of your prayers and support during this time. It wasn't an easy wait, but I really feel that God worked some wonders on my heart through the wait. I'll share that in another post, though.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Celebration supper at Olive Garden with Rachel's family

First Trimester

We hope that you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!!

Today I came to a realization... Right now, I feel like Dave and I are in that first trimester when you don't announce to people that you are pregant for fear of losing the baby through miscarriage. We are in a waiting period where we haven't let ourselves get super excited for the end product - our child/ren. It's like we're afraid we will "lose the baby" by not getting approved by the Philippines. So I guess you could say that we are officially "expecting", but that we are in the first trimester.

Another revelation that I had this weekend was the fact that Dave and I are becoming more of a "family unit". While hanging out with my family for Thanksgiving and Carlblom Christmas, I came to the realization that as family dynamics change, I have to find different ways to relate to my family. I feel like I don't fit in the same way as I used to, and need to find new ways to do this. However, I feel like I fit in perfectly with Dave - as things change we discover together how to adapt and grow. Dave is my family, and he's a great family to have!! I know, it's taken 5 years to truly feel like this, but it is a really good feeling.

I was really hoping that we would receive our approval by Thanksgiving. I even had a very realistic dream that we received our approval through e-mail. Wishful thinking I guess... Please keep on praying that we receive approval from the Philippines soon (so that we can move into the second trimester!!).

(courtesy of Yahoo.com)

Let the voting begin

Still no new updates, but I hate not updating this page every 1-2 weeks. So at the bottom of the page, I added a poll. Please vote and let us know what your guess is!!!

We recently celebrated Dave's Dad's birthday - here are Gale's new glasses

Gus playing tug-of-war with our nephew, Kyle

Some of the beautiful work that Dave does (the picture below shows the paver-patio Dave laid a couple of weeks ago, as well as the pots he planted)

A good news kind of day...

(We did not receive approval yet, but we got other good news today that makes us very happy)

Today I e-mailed Karin (remember, she's our adoption coordinator with Hand in Hand Adoptions). I wasn't really going crazy not knowing, but was feeling very curious about why we hadn't heard of our approval yet. Karin e-mailed me back to let me know that she hadn't heard anything, but quite often they will hear from ICAB months after the approval has happened (like we may hear in December that we were actually approved in October!). Karin said that no news is actually good news because it means that ICAB did not have further questions about our dossier or need additional information.

Then she hit us with a second piece of happy news. Currently she does not have any families with Hand in Hand who have waited longer than 11 months for a referral from the date they are approved from ICAB!!! She said that the wait times have been cut in half in the past year (it used to take 23-24 months for a family to get a referral after their approval). This is such exciting news for us, as we have been expecting for it to be 2 more years from the time we are approved by ICAB to receive a referral. To think that we may receive a referral by next Christmas is SUCH exciting news for us!!!

I've been feeling pretty peaceful about the adoption in the past couple of days. This past Sunday I had a very rough day. That morning, right before church, I decided to check my e-mail. I read that a woman in my Yahoo Adoptions group (who is using the same agency we are, but lives in a different state) had gotten her approval. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm very excited for this family to receive their approval. What really got me was reading that she had sent her dossier in 1 WHOLE MONTH after we did.

Dave and I were supposed to head over to "Celebration Sunday" at our church for our new fundraising campaign. Needless to say, I was not feeling very celebratory and actually spent the majority of the church service crying my eyes out. I felt pretty stupid standing in the front row crying, but I just couldn't seem to stop. Dave was so good - he just went and got me some kleenex and put his arm around me. But then Pastor Jon said something in his sermon that really made me think. He said, "God puts desires in our hearts. But He doesn't put those desires in our hearts for US to fulfull. He puts them in our hearts so that HE can fulfill them, and we give him all glory and praise". Hmmmmm... I like that - I can give this over to God and quite trying to analyze every little piece of it in my mind. Plus, I know for a fact that when God fulfills my desire it will be better than anything I could have imagined for myself!!!

Then, earlier this week on our *long* drive home from work, Dave asked me what will happen if we are never approved to adopt, and are never able to get pregnant. Will we still be able to be joyful in knowing that God's will for our life does not include children?? I really had to think long and hard about that one. Dave challenged me to live my life being joyful in knowing I'm living in God's will - whether that includes being a mother or not. Hearing that and taking it to heart has really changed my outlook on life in the past couple of days. I don't feel like life is hopeless, I don't dwell on what I can't control (like getting approval from ICAB), but most of all I'm focusing on living my life to further the kingdom of God - loving people, praying for people, and focusing on God rather than myself.

So I'm feeling giddy with being in a good mood for the past couple of days. It may also help that I've been working out every night of this week. My goal is to be one fit momma when my babies come home. It really does wonders for my attitude!!

Two cuties in their Halloween costumes visiting us at work

Gus showing off his "tough guy" costume at Halloween

Fundraising??

Dave and I have been kicking around the idea of having a fundraiser to raise some of the funds for the adoption. I'm really at a standstill whenever I think of how in the world we are going to pay for all of this. I feel like I pray about it, and don't really get an answer. So we're not sure if we are taking a loan out, fundraising, saving like crazy, or what... Any advice??

Last night I was looking on-line at tee-shirts, because we are thinking of giving tee-shirts away in exchange for donations. I found some really funny shirts and mugs while looking that made me giggle. Here is one I'll share with y'all...

Wise friends are good friends

Last night we were hanging out with our good friends, Aaron and Nikki. I told them that on Monday (October 22nd) it will be 2 months since ICAB (in the Philippines) has received our dossier. I was feeling down about the wait time, then Nikki said something that has stuck with me since then. She told me that she considers it two months closer toward getting our children. I have been so caught up in thinking that we've lost so much time in waiting, that I forgot to focus on the fact that every day and every minute brings us that much closer to being with our kids.

Ever since Nikki said that, I've been looking at things a little differently. I'm not feeling sorry for myself (as much) for having to wait, but instead I'm getting more and more excited about preparing. I can't wait to start shopping - I won't know exactly what I'm looking for since I don't know what age/gender/size our child/ren will be, but I can start looking and dreaming. I haven't let myself even think about preparing yet, because I consider being approved as "officially waiting".

So those are my (short) thoughts for now. I have a lot more running through my head so I'll post more about that later. Please pray that we hear our approval very soon. Thank you!!

Wise (and lovely) Nikki with baby Sam (lookin' so dapper)

Gus showing off his new haircut

Pity party

So today I threw myself a little pity party.

Ever since Sunday I'd been despairing more and more about not getting our approval from the Philippines. Today it turned into a full-fledged pity party with the works - tears, "its not fair" thoughts, and fearful thoughts of what is going on with our dossier... I kept worrying that our dossier was lost out there somewhere between the U.S. and the Philippines.

Then God did His thing and I received an e-mail from a gal in my Philippines adoption group on Yahoo. She said some things that were so detailed in what I needed to hear that I knew it was God speaking through her. She reassured me that my feelings are valid, and she is in the same place we are right now so she gets what I'm feeling. I can't even fully describe what it was she said to me, but all I know is that when I finished reading her e-mail, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my chest. The pity party was over.

I am attempting to appear to be a laid back person who has complete faith that this is all in God's hands, and His timing. I don't feel like that on the inside sometimes, and Dave tells me that I'm not really a laid back person :) My friend encouraged me to contact our adoption agency, and so I did. Karin e-mailed me back and let me know that I wasn't crazy, and that our dossier was received by ICAB (in the Philippines) on August 22. It makes me feel better knowing where our dossier is.

So still no news... and if you ever ask us "Any news?" and we answer with a grimace, just know that we are struggling with these feelings at times. And please continue praying, we can use all the shout-outs to God on our behalf that we can get right now.

Gus and his girlfriend, Porter

Augustus Goggles Ribar (Gus)

On Thursday, Dave and I picked up a new puppy!! We would like to introduce you to Augustus Goggles Ribar, for short we call him Gus. He is a schnoodle, which is a cross between a schnauzer and a poodle. He will be about 45-60 pounds when he is full grown.

So far he has been a great little puppy - following us around everywhere and doing his duties where appropriate! He's also been good for a lot of laughs. He's still pretty clumsy, and when he tries to run as fast as he can his front legs can't keep up and he does a face plant. Yesterday we introduced him to Rachel's family, and he LOVED Maddie and Grace. The breeder we got him from had kids who handled the puppies every day. Gus's face lit up and he ran over to Maddie and Grace when they walked in the door.

We weren't sure if we were going to get another puppy after Marley died, but now we are so glad that we did! Marley still holds a special place in our hearts, but we've got lots of puppy love to go around :) We'll update often with stories and pictures!

Form I-171H

Well, we haven't received approval from the Philippines, but we have received our I-171H form. This means that the UCSIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) has processed our fingerprints, and we are approved on the U.S. side to get visas for our child(ren) as soon as we are matched. The weird part about this form, is that if we haven't been approved in 15 months, our fingerprints expire and we have to do them all over again. If it takes longer than 18 months, then we have to re-apply and pay the fees all over again.

So a BIG prayer request that we have is to get matched with our child(ren) by AUGUST 18, 2008. We have so much to pay for already, that if we don't have to re-pay all of these fees, it would help a lot.

Well, we continue to wait on our Philippines approval. It can take a while for the Philippines to communicate with the adoption agency that we have been approved, so we may have already been approved for two weeks before we hear it. We've been doing a great job of staying busy, and not thinking too much about how we haven't been approved yet. I think the prayers of everyone are really helping us to remain patient. When we were trying to get pregnant, I felt like I was going crazy some days because I thought about it so much, and was so impatient for it. This experience is totally different, I feel such peace - even in the tough, waiting times. I know that this peace is not from myself, it's peace and patience that can only come from God.

Thanks for sending your comments, we love reading them (send more, send more!!).

Married for 5 years!!!!!

On Friday, September 14, Dave and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. Wow!! I can't believe that it has been 5 years, but it makes us feel so good. To celebrate our anniversary, we decided to roadtrip out to South Dakota for a nice vacation. Here is a picture of us celebrating on our wedding night at a delicious restaurant where we chowed down on yummy steak.

We hit all the stops we could think of, and here are the pics to prove it...

Dave posing in front of the Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD

I can't tell if I'm trying to kiss this guy or say, "Looooooook, it's ye olde gold miner!!"

Dave and I posing in a carriage in the 1880's town

A little shout-out to Okoboji, IA while standing in the Badlands

Okay, so the Flintstones village was closed, but Dave was always jealous that Joel and Michelle got to see it, so he posed by the sign. Next time, Davey, I promise we'll see Fred and Barney and Dino and all their friends.

Devil's Tower, Wyoming - the legend on this one from the North American Indians is that a bear was chasing some children, and the rock told them to climb onto it and it raised up to the sky. The bear clawed the rock to try and get to the children and left these huge gashes down the rock. Really, it's lava rock - but I thought it was a cool story!!

The newest addition to Mt Rushmore...

Really excited to be from Minnesota, I guess

The Crazy Horse model in front of the actual Crazy Horse statue (off in the distance, kind of hard to see)

The wait continues

It's been 35 days since our dossier was sent to the Philippines by courier. We were really hoping that we would hear by now that we are approved to adopt by the Philippines. The wait is anywhere from 4-12 weeks to hear this news. We haven't been obsessing over not getting this news, but it's definitely something I think about once in a while during the week.

We heard from Hand in Hand that right now there is a huge international adoption conference going on in the Philippines right now. That means that representatives from EVERY international adoption agency in the world are meeting in the Philippines right now. That's a lot of people!!! So they let us know that since the Philippines adoption board is focusing on the conference right now, it will probably take longer for us to get approved.

So we wait...

Well, we have started our three weeks of craziness. From this past Friday (August 31) until September 18, we are home for 5 of those evenings.

Dave has conveniently volunteered us for a committee at church during one of the busiest times of the year for us. I don't know why, but it seems like the end of August through mid-September is crazy every year. Last year was the same way. So anyways, Dave and I are the media team leaders for the capital campaign at our church. We are fundraising to build a church building (we currently meet in an elementary school). It is good to be a part of all of this - just last night I realized that God is even in the brochure-making parts of our lives. So if God cares about our brochure-making stresses in life, then He surely cares about my babies more than I can even imagine over in the Philippines. It is good knowing that God knows who my babies are, and where my babies are, and when we'll be united with them. I know I say "babies" and "them" a lot, and that is because we are really praying that we are able to adopt 2 children from the Philippines on the first go-around. I don't think it's crazy - I really feel like we could do it and would be greatly blessed by having 2 children who are siblings.

The one good thing about the craziness of our life right now is that it does not allow me to sit here and think, "Okay, we sent our dossier to the Philippines on August 16th. It is now September 4th. We should be hearing something in about 2-4 weeks. Okay, what are those dates? What can I expect? What kind of information will I receive? Then what do I do? How are we paying for this? How are we going to be able to wait so long???" Instead, I stay busy with other things, and when I think about the adoption I pray that God is guiding the people in the Philippines to make wise decisions. I pray that our paperwork moves through the government in a timely fashion. But mostly, I pray that my children, their birthparents, and their caregivers are being watched over right now - that they are safe and loved.

Dave and I got the chance to talk with his family this weekend about the adoption. If I had my choice, I'd talk non-stop about the adoption forever and ever. Luckily, I understand that this would drive other people crrrrrrrazy! So whenever we get a chance to talk about it with people we love, and who are excited for us, we gab away.

At one point during the weekend I got to talk with Dave's mom about the weird emotions that I have experienced. At all times I am thrilled that we are adopting. I can't wait to meet our children, and have them home with us, and be a family. But there are times that I still mourn the fact that we haven't been able to get pregnant. It is such a conflicting emotion. It isn't that I feel like adoption is second-best at all, I just wish that I could experience the very beginning of my child's life. I know that I hold them in my heart, instead of my belly and arms, from the time they are babies. It's hard to explain these emotions, and very difficult to admit that I still long to be pregnant someday. I once read a book called Inconceivable - and it was a phenomonal non-fiction read. I would recommend it to anyone who experiences these crazy feelings. It explains what I talk about here way better than I could explain it.

So that's what I am feeling tonight. Thanks for reading our blog, and praying with us through this journey.

Can't wait for life to change...

Nothing new to report on the adoption front. We are still waiting to get approved by the Philippines to adopt. We'll hopefully hear new on that front in the next month or two. In the meantime we are staying busy busy busy, and trying not to dwell on the waiting.

I've been assessing how crazy busy we are right now, and I can't wait until we have kids. Our life is going to change completely, and I can't wait. Between vacations and work trips, Dave and I will be home for 12 of the next 30 days. ugh. Most of those 12 nights are filled with our new sign language class (every Monday night for the next year), church meetings and dinner with friends. I know all of this will be fun, but I miss our house sometimes too! I can't wait until we have good reason to just stay home with our kids, and bond and be a family.

Things I'm excited for:
- a loud house filled with the sounds of children
- cuddling as a family
- being home more as a family
- watching our children grow in leaps and bounds
- hugging and kissing our children
- embarassing our kids as they become teenagers by kissing Dave in front of them, and dressing like a dorky mom
- watching my fave kids movies from when I was little, and finding new goodies
- cooking together at home
- sleep deprivation
- hugging and kissing our children
- toys to clean up each night
- teaching our kids sign language and a bit of Tagalog
- being busy with the things in life THAT MATTER
- listening to our children talking
- singing and praying with our children before they go to bed
- hugging and kissing our children
- so many more things, I just can't wait!!!!!!!!

Hanging out with Grandma Alice at her new apartment

Philippine group

Dave and I waving to our friends, Andy and Tyler, from good old Okoboji

I joined a Yahoo group specifically for families adopting from the Philippines. I still haven't decided if this was a good idea or not. On the one hand - I love love love reading the stories about the families uniting. There was a beautiful story about how a mother couldn't take her eyes off of her new 1-year old daughter who she was just united with last week. She wrote that she is the most beautiful, and most loving little girl she could have imagined. I can't wait until that day comes for us. Even cooler was the fact that this little girl was from the little children's home in Manila. This is the orphanage that our very good friends, Andy and Tyler, volunteer at, and it is also the orphanage that Louis came from (the little boy we met at our adoption training). My favorite part was knowing that in some way, Andy and Tyler touched this little girl's life. (We also thank our new friends - Andy's parents - for the pictures on today's post!!)I've also been reading updates from a family waiting to be able to pick up their little 1-year old boy from the little children's home.

The reason I'm not sure if it was a good idea to join this group or not is because I also read about the problems people have experienced through their adoption process. I know that it is good to be prepared for whatever may come by reading about other people's experiences, but I also don't want it to feed into my fears about the adoption. The psychologist already assessed that I am a fearful person during our adoption assessment - do I really need more fodder for that?!

Dave and I have decided that we want to make a conscious effort not to be spazzes about this adoption. I don't want to be the nag who continually calls Karin asking for updates, and demanding that they try to push this process to go faster. We understand that the Philippines is completely different from the US, so we can't come at this with an American frame of mind. Americans expect immediate results, and it just doesn't work that way in the Philippines. We completely trust that Karin will give us updates as soon as she receives them - she has told us this numerous times. Our adoption dossier was sent over to the Philippines on Friday, August 3rd. We haven't heard any news that they have received it, but after hearing a story about the Philippine postal service this weekend we are now praying specifically that our dossier moves smoothly through the Philippine postal service and lands on the right desk of the right person at ICAB (the government adoption group for the Philippines).

Our good friend Nikki gave me a great idea last night. She told me that when they were pregnant with Sammy (the cutey-pie in the picture), they prayed specifically for him to be a cuddler, as well as other personality traits. She asked me for things that she could pray for specifically for us. I had never thought about praying this specifically to God for our children! So Dave and I are in the process of making our list and praying over it. Like Aaron and Nikki, we do pray that our child is a cuddler - we are touchy-feely kinds of people! As we think of other specific prayer requests, we will list them.

Thank you for reading along with our blog. It is encouraging to hear that you are reading about our journey with us, and to know that you are thinking of and praying with us!!

What a cutie-baby!! Sam-a-lamb

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow!!

Today we sent in our next payment which covers the dossier preparation on our agency's side, and part of the Philippines fee. I e-mailed Karin to let her know that I mailed the check via Priority Mail. She e-mailed me back to tell me that she would mail out our dossier TOMORROW!!! AWESOME!!

We are only 3 weeks behind the inital deadline that we had set for ourselves. I think a little part of me thought we would never get to this point. I kept thinking something would come up that would prevent us from finishing the dossier, or sending it out. I guess it's that part of me that feels like I don't deserve good things. God keeps continually reminding me that I'm his beloved, and He wants good things for me. I feel His blessings pouring out on us as we wait on His timing for our children. Not to say that I have been waiting patiently, but I feel like His blessings are better than I can imagine because I constantly remind myself that my babies are in God's hands.
Dave and I got to attend the annual Hand in Hand picnic last Friday. It was such a fun evening!! Karin was right, it was like going to a United Nations party. There were kids from all of the different countries that Hand in Hand adopts from. It was so beautiful!! We saw another couple from our training sessions. We got to catch up with them and meet their little girl who they had biologically. She was such a cutie!!

While we were waiting for the line to go down for the food (we figured since we are kidless, we can wait to eat), Karin introduced us to MaryLee (the founder of Hand in Hand). MaryLee was just up visiting from FL for a little while, and timed it perfectly so that she could come to the picnic. I got tears in my eyes when I was talking with her - I'm so grateful for her, and for the strides she has made in making adoption from the Philippines happen for so many people. She is the one who helped the Philippine government write their adoption laws - WOW!! She also introduced us to her son, Jeremy and his wife. MaryLee adopted Jeremy from the Philippines years ago. He was such a nice guy - he told us that he thought we were pretty great people for adopting from the Philippines. He is so grateful to his mom for adopting him. We felt a huge surge of encouragement from his words, and had a good time getting to know him.

While we were eating we were sitting near a family and their three teenaged boys. We learned from them that they had always wanted a little girl, and they were adopting an infant girl from Guatemala!! We had a great time getting to know them and hearing their stories. They were able to go meet her a few days after she was born!! How cool. The process takes a long time there, though, so they are hoping she will be here with them by Christmas. They already had pictures of her, and she is so beautiful. In Guatemala, they require that the birth mother take a picture with her baby. That small little Polaroid packed such emotion as I stared into the eyes of this 18-year-old woman. She looked so very sad to be saying good-bye to her daughter, and my heart broke for her. It made me realize that in addition to praying for my babies, I need to make more of a conscious effort to pray for the birth mother of our children as well. Birth parents make such a brave choice when they make that adoption decision.

We also got to see little Louis (the little boy who gave us hugs and kisses during our first training session). It was so fun to see how big he had gotten and his eyes sparkling as he played with the other children. There were lots of games for everyone, and there was even a pinata!! My favorite thing to watch was how intent those kids were on hitting that pinata, and seeing even the little ones smacking that pinata with all they had!! As we were leaving, Karin gave us a hug, and told us that she couldn't wait until we were one of the couples chasing around our little ones. I can't wait either!!!

Thank you!!

We have nothing new to report on the adoption front. We sent our paperwork in to Karin on Monday the 16th, and she is currently compiling everything needed to send in to the Philippines. Our home study was written up and completed, so Hand in Hand is routing the dossier around to get the appropriate signatures from the head honchos of the agency. We are thinking it will only be another couple of weeks before everything is ready to be sent to the Philippines. Yay!!

I wanted to send out a thank you to all of you who read our blog. Your support is felt, and very much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, it's good to get it down in writing. God bless!!!

At Les Mis for my birthday. Fun times!!

Home Study

On Friday the 13th (spooky, I know), we had our home study with Diane the social worker starting at 12:30. It went really well!! Neither of us were sure of exactly what to expect, but we had met Diane at one of the Hand in Hand training sessions, so we were glad that we knew who she was. Diane made us feel at ease right away with her smile and genuine interest in who we were.
She started out by explaining that the process will take a few hours, and that there are questions that the Philippine government wants to know, and questions that the State of Minnesota wants to know. She showed us that there were 34 pages of questions to ask us!! Some of them we had answered in our autobiographies, but there were other ones that she needed to ask.
We talked about everything with her. We talked about our families and extended families, what experiences we had growing up, what our jobs are like, etc. And then we got into questions about marriage and our views on parenting. There were lots of questions asking about how we have prepared ourselves for parenting an adopted child. By about 4:00, Dave and I both were getting very tired - it is hard to be thinking of the best answers you can possibly think of for 4 1/2 hours!! We were finished by 5:00. Diane was very encouraging, and she was full of praise about how much we have thought through our parenting styles. She and Karin are two people who know absolutely everything about our lives now, it's kind of a strange feeling, but at the same time I'm glad I trust them so much!
For those of you who are parents who read our blog - thanks for letting us peek in on your parenting styles. We've been watching and taking notes in our head for different approaches we will use with our children. We've taken a lot of advice to heart, especially the advice Karin and Diane had for us through the Hand in Hand training. They had many great issues that we discussed on parenting adopted children. So thanks for preparing us that much more to be parents :)

On Saturday the 14th, Dave and I completed the last piece needed for the adoption. A new background study came out, and we had to go get fingerprinted for this background study at a jail. They actually used the ink on our fingers and everything, it was pretty cool.
So now everything is complete! We just have to mail in our forms to Karin, and wait for Diane to write up the results from the home study. At that point Karin will send around the dossier to get the appropriate signatures from the Directors of Hand in Hand. Then everything will be ready to send in to the Philippines!!! For now we are finished, and are on to waiting. You're prayers for patience during this time will be much appreciated.


Dave and I posing with our fingerprints

27

Well it's official... I am now 27 years old and we can adopt children from the Philippines. Back in September of last year I thought this day would never come. I can't believe it's here. We are finished with everything except for the home study, which will be finished on Friday. Wowsahs!! I can't wait to see who God has chosen for us!!!

Home Study

Happy 4th of July to everyone!! We hope you all had a blessed day as we celebrated the grand old U.S of A!! We got great news tonight, the social worker from Hand in Hand (Diane) e-mailed us to schedule our home study. I hadn't been feeling well this afternoon, but this really brightened up our day!!! This home study is one of the last steps that we need to take in order to send our dossier into the Philippines. Our goal was to send this paperwork to the Philippines on my birthday (July 11th), and it looks like we'll only be 2-4 weeks behind that self-imposed deadline!!

Dave and I in action at the St Peter Farmer's Market

Dave and I as the host and hostess at cousins Lucia and Zach's wedding

Smiley

I cannot stop smiling today. I'm sure Dave thinks I am a geek - I keep calling him to tell him how happy I am. I got an e-mail from Karin (our adoption coordinator) telling us that she received all of our paperwork that she needed in order to schedule the home study. She is sending it on to our social worker today - the social worker will take a week to review it, then call us to set up a time to do our home study. We even got our first invoice from Hand in Hand (the adoption agency) - this invoice is to pay for the home study, and even that made me smile and giggle!!

It is feeling so much more real this week. We have almost finished the paperwork, and what we have left is easy-peasy paperwork. It looks like we won't be too far off from sending in our dossier right after my birthday in July - which was our goal date. Yay!!!

One down, one to go!

This weekend I finished my autobiography. Yay!!!! I rode with my mom and my grandma to my cousin Matthew's wedding this weekend (Congrats to Matt and Holly!!). On the way down I just buckled down and finished the last of the questions I had to answer. It is a great feeling to be finished, but I don't think Dave appreciates that I am finished and he is not. I guess I am being a bit of a nag, but I wanted to have these done two weeks ago. Dave has almost finished his, and as of 9:00 tonight he only had 10 questions left to answer (out of about 75)!! Thanks for your prayers.

The next step is that Karin (our adoption coordinator/counselor) has sent us copies of our referral letters so that we could pick out the ones to be sent to the Philippines. It shouldn't take us too long to finish picking those, we have some awesome referrals. After that, we will get our home study scheduled, and finish up the last piece of paperwork with Karin that needs to go in our dossier for the Philippines. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is getting exciting. It's feeling more real now, so we've been more excited to talk with people about it!

Lots of people have been asking what the next step is... After we have our home study, it will take about 3-6 more weeks to have the home study results finalized, and the rest of the paperwork ready to send in to the Philippines. After that, we wait to be approved for adoption by the Philippines. We are hearing that takes about 1 month. After that, we will wait for a match - which could take anywhere from 12-24+ months. We have no idea how long that will take. That's going to be the toughest part of this whole process. After we are matched, we will have to wait a couple of more months for the details to be finalized in the Philippines, then we will travel over there to pick up our child/ren!!! We will only need to be there for 7-10 days. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers, we really appreciate them!!!

The suavest siblings ever


The triplet cousins (Chad, Rachel and Matt)

Autobiographies

I know I haven't been great about updating this little bloggy-blog lately. When I sit down at a computer to write something right now, it's my autobiography for the adoption. We did get some good news... we got our psych eval results on Thursday! The psychologist went through the report with us, and she did a great job. She wrote great comments that the Philippines will love to read about our passion for family and thoughts about our faith in Christ. The results from the MMPI showed that I am a slightly fearful person, and it showed that Dave avoids showing frustration when angry or upset - nothing new for either of us to hear. It also showed that we don't suffer from any mental illness - YAY!! This means we are one more giant step toward finishing our dossier to submit to the Philippines. I have a feeling we won't be able to submit it on my birthday as we have yet to finish our autobiographies, but it will be soon after that. The autobiographies are the last step before we can schedule our home study. After the home study it's smooth sailing to finish the dossier. Please pray that God gives us the focus that we need to finish these autobiographies.


Dave and Joel on our golf outing for Dave's b-day

Maddie's spaghetti face at Olive Garden

Gracie's face when she found out Dave turned 29 on Saturday

Happy weekend!

This weekend was a really fun weekend for us. I graduated from college!!! Yay! Now I get to mark that little box on random questionnaires that says "college graduate" instead of "some college". Happy day :) The graduation went really well - I didn't fall down on that long stage and shook with the right hand, accepted my towel and diploma with the left hand. For those who don't know what the towel is - Crown presents a Servant Towel to remind us of the servant leadership Jesus taught us while He lived on earth.

After the graduation we had a party with our family and friends, and I had such a good time!! It was great to have all of our nieces and nephews running around playing with each other (at one point Dave's niece, Hanna, went up to my sister, Carissa, and said, "Auntie Rachel?" - that cracked me up!!!) I absolutely adore being surrounded by those that I love, so Saturday was the best day I've had in a while. Thank you to everyone who made that day so special!!!

On Friday, Dave and I went to St Paul and got our fingerprints taken at the USCIS. That office is the only place to go to in Minnesota for immigration services, except for an office in Duluth, so it was a busy place! Crazy enough, we ran into another couple who we've been doing our adoption training with. The timing had to have happened just right for us to have appointments on the same day around the same time! We got to sit and talk with them for a little while, and we filled each other in on how far we've gotten with our dossiers. We are in almost exactly the same spot right now - working on getting our autobiographies written before we can schedule our home studies. The timing seems to be working out well right now to get our dossier in on my 27th birthday - July 11th.

Our friends from the Philippines, Andy and Tyler came to visit us a few weeks ago. They have been such good friends to us, and we have missed them very much while they have lived over there so that Andy could attend school over there, and Tyler trained as a midwife. We got to catch up with them on their new endeavors, and while they stayed at our house they presented us with beautiful pictures of children from the Philippines!!! What a special gift!! Andy asked us if it made it harder to see these pictures, and in some ways it did - it makes me a little more impatient to go over there to pick up our children, but it also puts pictures in my mind while I pray for the children over there. They told us that it would be okay if we shared some of those pictures on our blog with all of you, so please enjoy the pictures of these beautiful children.