What not to say...

Okay, I want to address some of the remarks we have gotten regarding infertility, adoption, etc... I will preface this by saying that MOST of the people who we surround ourselves with always say the right things, and ALL of them are super supportive of our struggles with infertility and adoption.

I made the mistake a couple months ago of volunteering the information of our adoption to a person I hadn't seen in years. He was a young guy - in his early 20's - who was single, and a pretty nice guy from what I knew of him. He asked what was new in my life, and I said, "We're adopting from the Philippines!!" He looked at me with a look of disdain and said, "Why would you do that?" I was completely speechless for a minute, then I glared at him and shook my head without saying anything. I just had no response. Why would I do what? Provide a loving a warm home for children who I will love dearly?? What a psycho. So that's #1 - don't EVER say that to someone who is adopting. Adoption is a beautiful thing.

Secondly, as a woman who struggled with infertility and is now adopting, that does not mean that I am choosing adoption because I don't want to get pregnant, or I don't think I could get pregnant someday. I had a couple of people say to me, "Hey! You'll get your kids without the awfulness of pregnancy and childbirth". Um... what? I have no response every time I hear this from someone (kind of a pattern with my responses). I would wish for nothing more than to be able to be with my children from the moment they are conceived. I wish no child had to go through the awfulness that most have to go through before they are home with their forever family - the orphanages, abandonment issues, and the list goes on. Adoption is NOT easier than pregnancy/childbirth, so I'm not getting the "easy way out" by adopting.

Third, when a person tells you they are adopting, do NOT EVER say, "Oh, so you can't have your own?" THESE children are my own children, whether I give birth to them or not. And for us, adoption isn't a second choice. We always knew we wanted to adopt, we just didn't know it was going to come first for us. If we do get pregnant someday, that will be great!

I also got a comment about 2 weeks ago that I've gained weight since high school (I am wondering who on this planet didn't gain weight 10 years after high school?). As I was poking around on other infertility/adoption blogs, I saw that many other women struggling with the stress of infertility saw their bodies take a hit. I am no exception. From the time we started trying to have children, I have gained 25 pounds, and am up 4 sizes. I had the mindset that I was going to pregnant any day, so why not let myself eat whatever I wanted and pretend I was eating for 2?

I made a decision in April that I was going to get in shape - no matter WHAT it took. I began running on a regular basis, and *attempting* to watch what I eat. I joined a gym a couple of months ago to lift along with my cardio workout, and am finding working out to be slightly addictive. I feel better, and am generally a happier person when I can workout. My family joined in on this endeavor 11 weeks ago, and we have a Biggest Loser-Carlblom Style competition going on. We all have our goal weights, and an incentive to be the one to lose the most weight each week ($2!!). At the end there is a prize of even more money for whoever loses the highest percentage of weight. I haven't seen a huge change in my body since I started this working out thing, but I'm not giving up! The little changes that I do see are motivation to keep on!! Since I don't get to give birth to my babies (for now), I am going to be one fit momma by the time I get my children.