Today marks 7 months since we were approved by ICAB in the Philippines as Prospective Adoptive Parents. We celebrated tonight with our friends, Aaron and Nikki by making Pancit, which I also discovered are called Celebration Noodles!! An apt title for tonight's meal, as we were celebrating having 7 months of waiting behind us. They were delicious, and Dave has decided that Pancit is his new favorite Philippine meal. We also made avocado juice for dessert, which has crushed ice, sugar water, mashed avocados and condensed milk all mixed together. It was pretty good, but super rich! None of us could finish our drink.
Last week on one of the blogs I read, I saw this poem. I was so moved by the poem that I wanted to share it with everyone. I read it aloud to Dave, and began crying as I got toward the end. It still makes me cry as I read over it again, there are so many emotions that come out by reading it. This poem isn't saying that I am going to be better than anyone else at being a mom, but I will definitely be a better mom than I would have been had we gotten our wish 5 years ago, and had I become a mother on my terms.
"Thoughts on Becoming a Mother
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
-Unknown
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.I have learned to appreciate life.Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
-Unknown
8 comments:
Rachel, that poem totally made me cry! I hope it's okay that I borrow it and add it to my blog. I would love for my family and friends to read it. BTW, I didn't know pancit is also called Celebration Noodles! hehee. For the avocado juice, you can try using evaporated milk instead of condensed milk. It's still rich, but not as rich as using condensed milk ;)
Joanne - Thanks for the tip! I'll definitely try evaporated milk next time.
I just found your blog and love it!! I spent the summer in the Philippines in 2005 and now my husband and I want to adopt from there. We are waiting for me to turn 27 and for us to be married for 3 years. So, we can't officially start until 2010, but we are pumped!! By the way, I love the Jeepney too! They are so much fun to ride on top of! If you are out of the city, everyone on top has to look out for each other so they don't get hit by limbs from the trees on the road! I can't wait to read more updates on your adoption journey!
Rachel,
That's a beautiful poem. I haven't heard that one before. So what exactly is pancit? I need to try some new recipes.
That's a lovely poem. All the food talk makes me miss my mom's cooking. She used to make pancit for our birthdays. She said it was a wish for long life. I love avocado shakes. The other thing we used to do with avocado that grosses out my non-Filipino friends when I tell them about it is-- cut it in half, take the pit out, fill it with brown sugar and evaporated milk, and scoop it up. yum!
HI GUYS!!!
Just sending you love and high fives. Wanted to check in on your adoption progress. :)
What an incredible poem. Now I'm crying!!! :)
jessica - Thanks for reading our blog!! I am so excited to ride a Jeepney when we are in the Philippines. I can't wait to hear when your process begins!
Renee - Pancit is a noodle dish. I should have taken a picture of it. I will take a picture next time we eat it. It's delicious!!
Hey Tara! Thanks for checking in with us. It's good to hear from you!
Nicole - I'm so glad that you liked the poem. I know it means a lot to you too.
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