Dave just got back from the grocery store. (I have the best husband ever who takes super good care of me, but that's a different story for a different day.) While he was at the grocery store, he ran into a lady from church. This woman is a prayer WARRIOR at our church. She heads up the prayer team, and has awesome faith in the power of prayer. Even though we may disagree on some things, I have respect for her. She walked up to Dave and said, "Someone who loves you asked me to pray for fertility for you". (My jaw dropped a little when Dave told me this. I have no clue who loves us. Just kidding.) Dave then answered, "Okay, thank you, why don't you also add our adoption to the list". She said, "Oh, alright. But you know... (ugh, here it comes) my second cousin got pregnant shortly after they adopted. It happens all the time".
**sigh**
Just an FYI. Any medical professional will tell you that this actually happens less than 10% of the time. This is the same percentage of people struggling with infertility who get pregnant if they continue on with fertility treatments. If it does happen for us, then we'll hip hip hooray with the rest of you, but this is another one of those "what not to say"s.
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3 comments:
I think that sometimes people say things without fully thinking them through or else they wouldn't say them. When I told one girl at work that we were adopting, she said why would you want a child with someone elses genes?? Those were her exact words!! I wanted to tell her to shut up unless she had something positive to say. But most people have been supportive and are very excited for us. You should have told Dave to tell the prayer lady to pray for Gus, now there's a guy who could use a prayer!!
I often wonder like what that statement implies? Because I DID get pregnant unexpectedly right after we adopted Ben, and heard that same thing...more than once! It's like to me, someone is saying that adoption is second best or something...and that is almost like saying an adopted child is second best. It makes me sad. Adopting Ben was on my heart before even Alison was born...so he is definetely not second best. I always say he was God's FIRST choice for our 4th child.
We have not struggled with infertility, but have struggled with losing the babies after I have gotten pregnant. I have lost 5 and each one of my pregnancies is extrememly difficult. This one being no exception. But I will tell you Rachel, and I totally mean this...that adopting a child and everything you go thru...is so much harder in so many ways that giving birth. I have heard others who have both bio and adopted kids say that as well. Though the experiences are much different. Yet...it has also been the most rewarding experience I have EVER had. You are in for SO MUCH BLESSING! All of your anxiety and frustration and financial stresses and emotional days and PAPERWORK are coming to a head, and pretty soon you will be reaping the rewards. I am so excited for you!
Renee - I can't believe someone said that!! Holy cow. That's crazy. Dave cracked up when I read him your comment about telling her to pray for Gus :) This woman hates dogs, and got mad when our last dog (Marley) sniffed her water bottle at our house!!
Kim - I had no idea that you had been through all of that! I remember reading in your blog that you were worried about this pregnancy b/c of troubles in the past, but I had no idea you have 5 babies in heaven.
I love that God laid adoption on your heart before Allison was born. We have always felt led to adoption as well, we just didn't know when it would happen! I like that you say Ben was God's 1st choice for your 4th child. Awesome. I'm praying for you and your pregnancy, and can't wait to see pictures of the adorable addition to your family :)
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