9 months down...

So it is the 30th once again, and we celebrate another month behind us in this crazy little waiting game. Maybe it's just because I am tired from a long weekend of hard work, but the number 9 just looks so tiny, and it makes me feel sad today. When I see numbers like 17 and still no referral, it's hard to imagine that our referral is out there somewhere. Sorry, this is supposed to be a celebratory post, but this week has been a tough week for waiting.

It all started last Saturday (not this past one but the one before). I babysat my nieces, and when I was driving home afterward, I just started feeling down. I got home and was trying to study, but started reading blogs. I clicked on my friend Renee's blog, and heard the most beautiful song. If you click on the link over Renee's name you can hear the song. I had heard it before, but never listened to the words. The song is "Lullaby" by the Dixie Chicks. There is one line that says, "You can close your eyes when you're miles away And hear my voice like a serenade", then the chorus is, "How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough, is forever enough? How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Cause I'm never, never giving you up". I just sat there and cried and cried. I know our time will come, and it will be even better than I could have imagined, and this wait will be a distant memory. But I just felt sad. All week was kind of up and down. I'd be happy and content, and then something would trigger the sadness I feel about waiting for my children. Today the trigger was seeing how small that number 9 looks. One happy thing is that from here on out we'll have only double digits for our monthiversary of waiting.