Deep Thoughts

Yesterday at church, the prayer warrior woman I mentioned in the post below asked Dave if she and another guy from church could pray with us and anoint us with oil (to do a prayer of healing). He knew she would specifically be praying that God would heal us of our infertility, so Dave said, "We're good. No thanks". I didn't know that she had asked him that, but she did come up during church and ask me if I was okay. When I told her I was great, she looked at me like I was lying. Hmmmm...

When Dave told me about it after we got home, I immediately started feeling guilty. Part of me felt like we should have said yes to being prayed for, even though it's not what we feel God wants for our life right now. I felt guilty for turning down prayer, because I felt like I was picking and choosing, I guess. But then part of me was frustrated because Dave and I dealt with the blow of infertility for years. We even had our pastor and one of our elders anoint me with oil and pray for healing for my body's infertility about two years ago. One night all of the people in our old Bible study gathered around us, and layed hands on us while praying for us. I have stories of people (one very wise father of my friendly friend) who would come up to me at church and tell me that they felt God telling them to pray for me right now, and it was always on days when I was struggling with sadness about infertility. I spent many days/nights praying and being prayed for - that our infertility would go away and God would bless us with a baby. I cried and blubbered gut-wrenching prayers to God for a while, sobbing while others would pray for us as well.

God's been working on our hearts, and I truly feel like He's healed me from that pain, and I am 100% on board with His will for us in adoption. I have a feeling that this woman is just finding out about our infertility, and is feeling sad for us - she's at the same point I was at four or five years ago when I found out about our infertility. She still feels as if God's will for our life is getting pregnant - I thought the same thing all those years ago. What frustrated both Dave and I is that we both have felt - ever since we started the adoption - that we were called to adopt. Our hearts feel peace in knowing that we are following God's will for our lives by adopting. If we end up having a bio baby someday, we will be thrilled. But right now, we are overjoyed when we think of becoming parents through adoption. It isn't a second-best kind of thing for us.